The reason I am in debt is because I was living with an ex, after he lost his job he stuck me with his share of the rent for several months since it was my name on the lease. I have been making monthly payments of $600 and am down to about $5,000. I had my dog put into a foster home and have been couch hopping for months, and staying with an older neighbor who might very well have feelings for me and has slight anger and hoarding issues (I am thankful for his hospitality... I can't really complain) . Its taking a real toll on me emotionally and physically though. I work full time and go to school part time through financial aid and grants- I'm not a bum and I don't like asking for help financially but my friends are telling me he should help pay it off if he really wants to start a future together and if he cares about my well being (and doesnt want me not couch hopping or in another mans house) I want to know your thoughts.... My boyfriend makes twice as much money as I do and currently lives with his parents (no major bills) . would asking him to help be like be inappropriate? Gold diggerish? I need advice!!!
I am a firm believer in cleaning up my own messes, and I have always had a golden rule of being self sufficient and able to support myself. I would not move into an apartment with anyone if I could not foot the rent on my own. Being financially dependent on others is never a good place to be. There is no telling what the future holds and whether or not the person you are sharing with will be around, but I digress...
Your boyfriend should not help you pay off your debt. Sounds like you made some bad decisions for yourself and now you're paying the price. It is up to you to dig yourself out of this hole.
No, your boyfriend should not help pay off your debt. It is not his responsibility and if you ask him, to me, that would be a red flag on your character. Tell him you cannot afford to pay rent right now and let him know approximately when you will be in a position to move in together. As to the debt, when you rent an apartment with someone, you are accepting a level of risk, that the relationship will not work out, that someone loses his job, that something may go wrong and you could be stuck with the full amount of the rent. It sounds like you got in way over your head - not a good decision. However, you are showing responsibility by paying it off. You could have obtained another roommate to alleviate the burden of the full amount of the debt. We all have to live with our choices but, it sounds like your current decisions are the best ones. I suggest you keep things as they are for now. If your boyfriend loves you, he will understand.
Your husband is responsible for paying off your debt because married people have merged finances. Your boyfriend is not responsible for paying off your debt. It is an extremely bad idea to ask a boyfriend for money as that changes the nature of your relationship. It's not even clear if it's okay for him to decide to be generous because that equally chances the nature of the relationship. The term for that is a lot worse than gold-digger-ish.
I suggest you be honest about the amount and about the source. I suggest you continue to work at paying the debt down without his input until or unless you get married. He may not want to marry you until the debt is gone. He may want to pay off the debt a month after the wedding. Until then I wouldn't even ask for free rent as that too changes the nature of the relationship. If I were he I would offer to split the rent so you're paying even less than the 1/3rd that your incomes reflect.
Okay, that said I didn't live up to my own advice on rent. I met my then girlfriend now wife. We dated for a couple of months. I knew we were going to move in eventually. She got laid off. I offered to move in ahead of plan and cover her rent and other expenses. Did I take advantage of her situation or was I generous? The fact that we got married later doesn't answer my question ...
That's a dangerous path. Ok fine you're in debt, no judgment. But to get your BF to pay them off is a bit risky because as you said you guys have been together for a year. Financally you guys still aren't trust worthy to be able to pay each others debts off. If you guys were together for more than 10 years than yes it's fine to a degree. but as for you, just be carefull because people and situations do change over time and if god forbid you guys have a falling out, he can hang that on you
you don't "build" a future by moving in together, he has you buffaloed. Everyone who has been with someone even about 6 months thinks they can "see" themself in it for the long haul and that's a real fantasy just a dream if you aren't doing this sensibly. Move in with him after you pay off your debt and AFTER you marry hi.
When your ex (I presume ex-bf since you have a tendency to not have serious relationships) stuck you then you should have sued him in court for the part he owed you, or you should have gotten someone else to rent with you with the approval of the landlord, that way you would have been free of this debt or most of this debt by now.
So if you had to put your dog in a foster home it sounds like you left that apartment you had with your ex-bf and you should have stayed there so the problems you have you have caused them yourself. You did this to you and no one else did it. Then you caused a neighbor problems too...geez. What about yur parents, your family, you could have bunked there and kept yur dog as well.
Your new bf should NEVER pay for your debts, expecially the ones you bring to him before you two got together, and maybe even before the two of you got married. To put it sensitively and seriously and straightforward, YOUR FRIENDS ARE NUTS. Apparently they want you and he to split. It matters not what how much your new bf makes, this is YOUR DEBT, so you pay it and sue your exbf in Circuit Civil Court, NOW.
I'll bet if you asked your present guy to help you pay for your stupidity he would try to appease you then get angry and then dump you. He doesn't owe it, and you're not worth all that that people should be paying your bills. Take care of your own matters. How much have you paid already? Well if it's under $5,000 that you're suing for, and I presume it is, then you can do that without an attorney but you would have to have proof of what you say. Proof there was a lease with his name on it that he owes you, and proof that he moved and when. If you moved out then he owes half of the total bill. Remember that when you "both" get it all paid off you'd need to ask the landlord for a satisfaction and then send a copy of that satisfaction to the credit reporting agencies to clear both oof your credit. NEVER diss a man.
I don't see why it has to be as you described.
What's to stop the two of you from getting a
place but letting him pay for it entirely while
you continue to get back on your feet? Your
debt is still yours to take care of, and when
sorted out then you can start paying a share.
At $600 a month you'll be done before the
end of the year (eight months or so).
Your friends are wrong. Your b/f is not responsible for paying off your debt.
If he knows you can't afford to pay rent and he is willing to cover the rent, by all means move in with him. THIS is how he would be helping you out. But to suggest that he should actively be paying down YOUR debt only shows that your friends are gold-diggers.
It's a complete slap in the face to expect your current bf to pay your debt you got because of an ex bf.
While you were riding your ex bf like a pony and paying his bills, you want your new bf to take up your accumulated debt.
He'd be an idiot to agree and pay it off.
Also, you need a female roomate, it's inappropriate that you live with a guy, he is probably only letting you live there because he is hoping to get some from you.
You need to start acting like a lady.
Did your boyfriend help you accumulate it? No? Then why the hell should he help you pay it off?
EDIT: You could ask him for a LOAN, and then you could make certain that you PAY HIM BACK. But it isn't his responsibility to pay off the debt you and an ex-boyfriend accumulated, and you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking of asking him to do so.
If you still have self-discipline and self-respect pay your own debt. Do not relay it to the other person.If he insist to help you pay your debt then that's the time you can pay your debt by the help of your boyfriend.
