Now I try my best to take the burden of the household on myself (cleaning, apointments, bills, managing accounts etc), leaving it so that work is the ONLY thing my husband has to deal with.
Everything was find until I had a hemmorage late in the first trimester. Our baby was fine, thank God, but the issue led to lots of medical bills as I had a short hospital stay and require weekly ultrasounds.
I manage to get all of our bills paid. Nothing ever goes unacounted for but often that means I have to overdraft our account in order to pay what needs paying.
My husband who.has had a hands off approach to our finances recently decided to check in on them and flew off the handle when he saw a negative balence and was quite mean. any advice is appreciated.
Unfortunately, you made poor financial choices that have a tremendously negative impact on your cash flow and your credit. And his credit. He is well within all spousal rights to be furious.
So. No more over drafting, ever, for any reason. That's just pretending you have money when you don't have money. It's expensive and without point. All hospitals have quite lenient repayment plans... $40 a month shows intent to pay and can be negotiated. This is true with all your bills. While it is self defeating to live over your income... making small payments that signify intent to pay can be negotiated into being completely acceptable for credit cards, bills, utilities and even taxes!
So, you learn a lesson, figure out how to do it right, and don't repeat your mistake.
Also... making your husband's only contribution to the household be his check is a dicey way to build a life and future. Rethink all this "work is the ONLY thing he has to deal with" thing.... I'm telling you the absolute truth.. do NOT turn his only contribution to the household be money. That single mistake contributes to divorces as much as any. He needs MUCH more to remain an intrical element. He can give you money from 1,000 miles away. Make sure he is INVOLVED in your home, your finances, your life and the life you are creating together.
If you have a negative balance in your account you're not actually managing to get the bills paid so I can see why he was angry, if you're over drafting that means you're living beyond your means or mishandling your budget. I could see this happening once in a great while but if it does on a regular basis then there is an issue. If you have more going out then you have coming in, there is a problem.
Over drafting your accounts is a great way to ruin credit. It should only be done in extreme emergency situations. If you were to apply for a mortgage or another big loan, the bank/lender will ask to see your bank statements for the last 6 months (or so) and when they see that.. denied.
Take a look at your budget and do a needs and wants system when paying. For your medical expenses, work with the finance department of the doctor or hospital they're willing to work with you.
He shouldn't have had to "find out", this is something you should have been discussing all along.
Back when I was young and stupid, I also did overdrafts on my bank accounts and here's what happened.. I ruined my credit. It took me several years to rebuild it and... it was my own fault.
Your financial plan does not work. You are not helping your financial situation by paying debts with money you do not have.
If you have an overdraft protection plan with your bank or financial institution they will normally pay for a few overdrafts. If this is a continual habit, they would stop after so many.
Since apparently income might have been a problem in the family, you would need to set a priority as to which debts would get paid and how much you would pay on each debt.
You would need a place to stay this is #1, utility bills as well as food would be in the top tier of debts you would pay.
Car notes and other debts listed on your credit report would probably be next.
Medical debts are normally expensive, however, even if you fail to pay these expenses, most likely they would be sold to a collector. Very seldom do these collectors take these type debts to court to be collected. Most judge consider these type collectors blood suckers and in many cases side on the side of the defendant (you) and would consider deleted the debt.
Pay what you owe, however, you want to remain solvent, provide shelter and food for your family.
Your husband had a right to be furious, the check book is not balanced and the family is basically in financial debt.
To avoid this in the future, you would need to prepare and implement a budget to live by.
Include in your budget the obvious rent, utilities, savings, debts owed, insurance (Auto, renters/mortgage and health),entertainment, food, clothing and any other debts.
Balance this budget with the income of your family.
I hope this has been of some benefit to you, good luck.
"FIGHT ON"
he's right to blame you. You both need to talk about what it is that's making the cash flow overdrawn. While one overdraw is bad (you'd owe $70 more plus what you overdrew) it will put a hold on the account, but more of that will close the account completely and ruin your credit, so what you're doing is bad but can become illegal. He's looking forward to the possibility of this getting way out of hand (since you said you do that often) and it's hurting your family to have to pay all that interest, PLUS he's angry because he trusted you to handle the funds and you don't know how to do that. Overdrawing could mean a couple of things...could mean you didn't plan for having children but started anyway. now that you have a child you need to pay for their needs and the mother's needs. This means he would have to work harder and do 2 or maybe 3 jobs if he wants to keep you at home. Whose idea was it to stay at home since in these days both partners "need" to work. Working though needs a support system since having a babysitter is costly. So if you're not going to work then you have to cut expenses to the bone. With regard to the medical bills you'd have to make a payment plan you can keep. You might need parents to help babysit your child while you both work 1 or 2 more jobs to keep up. A hemorrage is nothing to sneeze at. You need to plan a budget. Sit down and figure all the bills, then show him the comparison between what you owe, what you need, and what he earns and that one doesn't equal the other. Generally (a bare bones cost without medical) you'd have to (in a small to average city) figure $15,000 or more per person. So if your husband isn't earning $45,000+ a year then you have to make up the difference. Maybe you could take in your neighbor's child or a relative's child for a donation. (you can't charge unless you have a business license but may not be able to get one for having a child there all day so it would have to be for a donation). Since you have the internet you might be able to sell something online like Avon but you'd need to know women who are employed and making good money. I would also wonder why you call being a homemaker a "burden". And both of you work hard, not just you. In life you would have to be more than a wife and mother but know that youd child learns what's important in life from 0-5 years old so give it all you have to teach them all sorts of things (creativity, how to learn, how to get along with other kids, how to do for themself, show them how to count cash, do math, alphabet, good english, manners, respect and a whole lot of other things they'd need in school. And don't get pregnant again at least until this child is in first grade or until both you and your husband are out of debt an making super good money and the decision is a joint one.
I dealt with a client earlier on that simply paid everything and had thousands of dollars in overdraft fees. If you are responsible for paying the bills, that mean you need to be sure you don't occur those extra charges...ever. That's like throwing money away. If you have extra bills to pay, why not see if you can find a part-time job to help out until they are paid. Also contact hospitals and see if they will reduce the bills for you. If you didn't have insurance, often they will set up payment along with reduced bills like the insured people get. If you are living beyond your means, then you need to see where you can cut down. Cable is an easy one to get rid of and get Netflix for around $8/month. Cut your cell phone service without getting yourself in deeper trouble. You also need to get all of you on a budget. If your husband eats lunch out, see if he will take a brown bag...and make that brown bag interesting. With a child you need to work on living less until you get a pretty substantial slush fund for emergencies and you need to be saving for your future at the same time. You simply need to spend less. Figure out how to do it. Use coupons, buy your gas where it is cheapest and small things like that make a big difference at the end of the year. If you pay banking fees, get a checking account that is free and don't get charged any extra fees. It sounds like a pain but there are a lot of small things you can do that will save you $...do them, even if they are small, it's just a good habit. You both need to be on a budget too. All spending needs to be in a budget that is reasonable but accomplishes getting you all living on what you make. Remember it is hard to go off to work when your spouse is sitting at home....even if you have lots to do. and the big basic...you don't spend money you don't have and bounce checks. If you can't pay, call the people and tell them you can't and be able to tell them when you will pay...and be sure you can. Sometimes you can pick up extra money by babysitting in your family and neighborhood. That keeps you at home with your child which is a pretty special thing to be able to do these days.
Do not overdraw your account. Paying needless $35 - $65 NSF charges is poor management. Pay one of the bills late if you have to. Make sure the mortgage/rent is paid first, then the utilities and the health insurance premiums. Other bills can wait. If you have to make a lower payment for one or two months, do it. Also, it sounds like you need to get a job, at least for a while, until the bills are caught up and you have some money ahead. Even a part-time job would help.
Sorry, you messed up big time. If you pay bills and don't have the money in your account, then you are costing MORE money. Each time you overdraft your account, it costs money. If you are writing checks, you can easily be out hundreds of $$ if a couple of the checks you bounce are redeposited.
That puts you even deeper in the hole.
No wonder your husband went ballistic. Because you didn't keep a decent accounting and overdrafted, it cost him MUCH more than if you hadn't paid the bill in the first place and just waited and paid the late fee when you had the money.
Well, a negative balance is something that would make anyone furious. If you were seeing signs of trouble, I would have brought it to his attention.
Rule of thumb, if you are managing finances, you should give updates to your spouse to keep them informed, once a week would be good.
If you start seeing a significant difference in cash flows, or debts, I would alert him and show him the troubles.
For the issues you are having now, I would recommend you look over the financial situation you are in now, and determine the cause for the debts higher than the income. I would then search for a solution to the issue.
He has no cause for complaint if he is not actively involved in paying/keeping track of the bills. he should be sitting down with you whether you do the bills once a month or bi-monthly so you BOTH know exactly at any given time where your finances are at. If he is just handing you his paycheck and letting you 'do it all '....then he needs to shut up and put up. You can't be deliberately ignorant ( by choice) on how & when bills are paid, then fly off the handle at the person YOU put completely in control.
Tell Hubs he is welcomed to either take over the job completely if he can do it better....or get involved by sitting down with you and you BOTH do the bills, which is what needs to be done here. Doesn't matter who writes out the checks as long as both know what checks are being written at any given time.
If you are often going into overdraft to cover monthly expenses, then there's something wrong here.....either you could manage money better, cut back on 'wants' and only pay for 'needs'...learn to live frugally and at or slightly below your means...or you may if it's a matter of simply not enough income, get a part time job when The hubs can baby sit-and if you do that he needs to help around the house somewhat. Simple as that.
Sadly the over draft ruins your credit and you will never get ahead. Yu might need to check with your bank but in CA it is against the law to over draft. Fines and penalties and even jail time in some cases for repeat cases...overall it is no way to manage the bills.
You will simply have to really see where every penny is going. Be that accountable
Never over draft and pay a late fee verses the other...for when you paid on an over draft you are really in more trouble than debt...just think you will never be able to buy a car or house or get more credit...with poor paying habits.
Take a look at daily spending...the coffee before work the lunch at the fast food...a toy for baby or new outfit..overuse of products...detergents, shampoos. paper towels....you have to be frugal daily to get ahead..
Are you cooking nightly, eating left overs...this would be another key to saving money..
Overall it will be difficult and challenging..to get ahead...you might want to consider going back to work and seeking...Early Head Start for free child care in your area..look for Head Starts and inquire...they provide an educational environment...for parents that meet the income guidelines..
If I were your husband I would take away the finances and show you how to mange them...overall both of you need to be accountable and work on it together...but I think after he brings in the check...rent car insurance and cell phones get paid and then you get cash to manage diapers and food...for the month..
you also might want to look into cheaper phones...and think of other ways to cut costs...
good luck..it is tough but most people live way beyond what they bring in...
