what will happen is that you'd pay for your own attorney and win the kids and he will have to pay child support and because he can't or won't he will find himself in jail. His fate is sealed from there on and he won't be able to get a job but will get 3 meals a day and won't have to dust. I don't know if he'd be able to see his kids but how much does he care? If you spook him he might run off with the kids. If on the other hand he's watching the kids maybe he's thinking he's earning his keep. What would you be paying a babysitter (you didn't say their age). You didn't say either if you two own a home together or are renting or if you own the house and "that" would be what could solve this. He could be a live-in babysitter but he must clean the place and make the meals to earn his keep. See what he says. That way you could even travel and earn more and pay the jerk for his work (maybe he feels he has no education therefore no career). Once the kids are grown (age 18) you can kick him to the curb (if you want).
Ultimatum. Tell him you want him to stay, for you, and for the children, but unless he goes and finds a job and sticks to it, and steps up to being a father and good husband, then he is to leave. If it were me, I'd tell him I want to review all the ads and responses he puts out and receives, if he wants to actlike a child, you'll happily oblige and treat him like one. (ok maybe that part would just rile his inner teenager...) In all seriousness, I would write this in a letter, not a face to face confrontation, at an hour that he can be alone in the house to read it, tell him how much you do for him and his children, and how much more you need him to do for you. point out that the only time you have off work, is used to look after the kids, because he uses it as his escape route. ask him where your escape route is. lay down your criteria - you either have open communication and step by step action to build the family up, or he agrees to see a marriage counsellor with you. he either looks hard for a job, or he's to move out within x amount of time.whatever you need to say, write it, never raise your voice and avoid sounding like your accusing him, even though you are, and rightly so. hes a child. so you need to communicate in the right way and be consistent in your demands and open discussions about stuff. if it were me, id give it a 3/4 month deadline to be showing massive improvement, if not, hes out, if he fixes up and holds it together for 2months, id let him back in, if i wanted to be with him. hes nothing more than a lost teenager in an adults body. so give him guidelines. give him rules. give him punishments. be his parent. until he realises that you're his wife.
He knows this whole not looking for a job has bothered me for a long time. I've put in applications for him and he refuses any offers. A lot of employers don't want him cuz he hasn't had a steady job in over 5 years. I've tried to get him to go to marriage counseling and he refuses. He just wants to party all the time with his friends (every time I have a night off) and doesn't want to grow up. Sadly he is more like a child of mine than a husband. We have been eating healthier and he won't exercise with me. It's like he gave up but won't let me go because I provide for him. I hate feeling used by my own husband
been together for 7 years and been married fro 2 1/2
That means you were together 4 1/2 years before getting married
and now you ask for MARRIAGE advice.????
DIdnt you learn anything in those 4 1/2 years?
Don't divorce him. Think of the kids and what it would do to them. He is after all taking care of them while you work and doing some housework. That counts for something. Day care is expensive. Encourage him to try to find something part-time that he can do when you get home from work. That way you won't have to hire a baby sitter.
Let him know you want him to start helping out by getting a job... give him some time... if he doesnt find a job in the alotted time... divorce him... you both got married... you both had kids... you both need to help provide for those kids... and by the way he is telling YOU to find another job because YOU dont make ENOUGH is ridiculous.. He doesnt get to say that when he doesnt have a job...i understand you love him..but like you stated...you feel as though you are not in love anymore ..
I believe that if you are out of love you need to leave now. DO not drag this unfortunate situation any longer, is not fair for your kids and definitely is not fair to you. Ultimatums might have worked work when you were in love, now it is a different game. Wish you good luck, change is never easy.
a divorce is never or extremely rarely the answer.......maybe you can help hubby with finding employment ( does he know to look online at the main job boards for employment ?? ) ; maybe exercise with him to get him motivated to lose #'s ; maybe some counseling would help ??
Get some counseling that might help change his outlook, someone with nothing to lose can be dangerous.
Ultimatum time! My ex was higher qualified than me, so we decided that if we get married, she would work full time and I would work part time and do the house work. Issue him an ultimatum.
