The reality is that you two are at different places. Unfortunately, it's not just love that makes a relationship work, it's also about being at the right time and the right place together. Now that doesn't mean that he won't possibly change his mind and start doing that, but it's not something that you can just hope he'll magically wake up and want different things in life. You have to accept him for who he is now, and if you sit down with him and say "This is what I need from my life partner, if you can work towards this, great, if not, then this is a deal breaker for me." Keep in mind that when it comes money, it's not about spending so much that you have no money for the future, and it's not about saving so much that you're not able to live in the moment. It's about having a balanced budget, so that would be my advice to you because you're in the process of realizing that money needs to be managed. Unfortunately, your boyfriend isn't at that place right now, and if he doesn't want to be and doesn't understand that he needs to get to that place at some point, then there's no point in nagging him and wishing him to be something he's not - you are not his mother and he will not appreciate you acting like one.
***Experience - I was the financially irresponsible one, and although my boyfriend didn't bring it up to me (I changed on my own before it became an issue), he told me that if I hadn't he would've had some serious issues with continuing to see me***
EDIT::: I mention budgeting and balancing because the reality is that if your boyfriend wants to spend money himself and his hobbies, that's not really any of your business. If it is if that spending affects your lifestyle together in terms of paying the bills, then you can let him know you're concerned. But right now, you don't live together, you are not financially dependent on each other, and even if you were, as long as he budgeted out money for him to spend on whatever he wants and doesn't exceed that amount, he should be able to spend that on whatever he wants, no matter how useless you think it is (do you really think he understands why you need five different shades of lipstick? Or whatever is comparable, chances are there are things that you buy that he doesn't understand).
As you grow older you learn dating is more than about "do I have fun with this guy".
You know what you want out of life and right now, he is not on the same wavelength.
Do I think you are 100% right? No. I don't think he has to worry about getting a car if his parents have one available to him, no matter how old the car is.
But you currently don't see eye to eye.
You know this is not a guy you want to have a child with at his point so you need to make choices to make sure that doesn't happen. Either stop having sex or start using additional contraception (the pill or other hormonal treatment) AND the condom.
He has told you, by his actions, that it's going to be a long time before he considers the next steps. He makes it clear, he is not ready to be an independent adult. You on the other hand are 100% focused on your future. This is not something that he is going to change, so you need to move on or deal with it.
At what point was he 18 and you were 17 and having sex that was illegal in the eyes of the law? and why didn't he do time for statutory rape?
It appears your relationship is going nowhere for several reasons, one is that he's dependent on his parents and likes it that way.
If he's working then he should pay his parents rent, electric, food, laundry. If he's not doing that then the guy is worthless so why are you with him?
this guy is not the father you want him to be for your kids. It was up to his parents to teach him and they didn't therefore he's not going to learn the lesson.
Walk away, get your education during which time you still live at home for 4 years and work and pay rent, then in 4 years return and find out if the guy has changed and probably he would not have, so no worry as while you were in college you'd be dating other guys.
There are 2 sorts of people. Those who are good with money and those who are not.
They are born that way and, like the weather, you cannot change them.
This is such a basic difference between you and this young man I suggest you don't waste any more time on him.
You 2 met when you were a romantic child. You are now a sensible woman who knows what she wants out of life. This guy will not provide what you want.
He will be a constant disappointment in your life and if you do marry it won't last so you may as well dump him now.
Time to move on. Your BF is an infant that plans on sucking on mommy's teat for the rest of his life... and when she is done, you are next! You, however, are building a life for yourself. You have already figured out that he is not on the same page as you, and probably won't make the same basic progress you want. You don't want to marry him because his mommy trained him to be a useless mooch.
This is the reason why I think it is a GOOD idea for young women to live with their fiancés for maybe 6 months before getting married... they will learn how the guy handles himself... takes care of his stuff, handles his money and pays his bills. You've known this mooch for 4 years!
If you really want to keep him around, maybe your can motivate him by cutting him off... no nookie, no dating, no nothing else until he grows up and gets a frontal lobe and some logic circuits working.
I'd say it is time to move on.
You need to start dating somebody else.
The problems you are already having indicates that you should be dating other people, not planning on marrying this guy. He should be dating other people also.
Your question was about money, but most marriages end because of disagreements about money. I'm glad you both care about each other, but going INTO a possible marriage when you ALREADY have major different views about money is just a problem that will never go away.
He is spending to get what he values, he just doesn't value the things you value. If you have his children you will support them and perhaps him. He is still a boy and might be 30 having parents or a wife or girlfriend support him, he might still until his parents die and nobody else offers. My brother is 67 and hasn't ever really planned money but he had 6 weddings and 10 kids and is happy with current wife and teen. We got the last of our inheritance last year, he took lots of vacations, at least this wife owns a small business and he has a pension.
You are a sensible woman. He is still a boy. Boys mature MUCH slower than girls which is who girls usually marry older guys.
when he does get a car, he will spend money on goodies for it. same problem.
You need an older, better guy. I suggest a big happy church. Attend some youth/college age groups there and have fun. You will meet a much better set of men.
And in college, too.
As for sex, condoms arent that reliable You should be on b.c. pills.
You answered all your own questions . You don't need us. He is not and will never be good with money. Being sexually active means you are playing with fire. Sooner or later you will become pregnant by someone who is worthless as a husband. Is that what you want?? If not say goodby NOW not later.
It sounds like you have goals and he does not have goals but prefers being dependent on other things and other people. That being said, if you accept that as it is, expect a freeloader with excuses. You have to row your own boat and develope a budget and don't give your money away to him or any one else. save what you can each pay day and pay yourself each pay day with an account in your name only (not his) so you can take control of your funds.
